Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
