I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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