so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize