Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
