I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
