I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
