Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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