I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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