Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize