Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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