i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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