She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
