This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
