Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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