Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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