happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
