Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
