Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she told me i tasted like america
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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