Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
third nipple confirmed
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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