I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
