it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
