ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
