Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
