I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
