none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
