Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize