i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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