it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
