just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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