Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
