Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
