this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
