I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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