Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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