My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
