i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
