your thong is hanging out like whoa
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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