He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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