New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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