I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
