He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
