hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
