Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize