I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
