i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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