why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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