After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
What drink are we having for lunch?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
