the condom got lost in my hair
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize