zippers are such a cool invention
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
