Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
