Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
