What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
