i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
