he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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