the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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