It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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