Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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