I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
