have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
