Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
