??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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