just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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