I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
