if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
