The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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