There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
