dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
