I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
