evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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