I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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