i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
