Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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