Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
