This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
