when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
